Ramadan is the month of mercy, the month of blessings. It is the month in which we try to do our best to make Allah happy with us and accept our repentance. It is also a time for our habitual and spiritual improvements. Allah has bestowed upon us many blessings. The relation between spouses is one of them regarding which Allah reiterated the importance in several places in the Holy Qur’an. What better time than Ramadan to start nurturing and strengthening this relationship?

So here goes some very important and practical tips to strengthen the relationship with our spouses this Ramadan, inshaAllah.

Making dua to Allaah for pres- ervation of the relationship with one’s spouse by reciting the Quranic Ayah 74 of Surah Furqan. Where Allah says, “Who pray: Our Rabb! Make our wives and our Children to be the comfort of our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous”.
Building the relationship based on love and mercy as mentioned in the Quran, Surah Rum, Ayah 21, where Allah says, “And of His signs, another one is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find comfort with them, and He planted love and kindness in your hearts; surely there are signs in this for those who think about it.” We tend to forget the rahmah or the mercy part. It is important for both of the spouses to show mercy towards each other. The trend in our society, especially during Ramadan, is to prepare several items of food for iftar and also for suhoor, the wife gets very little to zero help from her spouse in arranging the food. Here the advice would be to think and to apply what Islam says about food consumption. Do we really need to feast in Ramadan? Of course we don’t. So the husbands can take the responsibility to lighten the burden from their wives to cook less items; so that they can practice the Islamic etiquette of eating and also enable their wives to dedicate more of their time in worshiping Allah.
Ensure dedicated time for each other to nurture the relationship on both the mental and physical front. Ignoring any of the two won’t work. This generally tends to decrease with the aging of marriage. Spouses need to keep time for each other despite all other daily chores. The upbringing of children, giving them quality time and teaching them Islam together can also be an ideal way of nurturing the relationship between the spouses. Rather than designating duties to the other, Muslim parents should be sincere in bringing up their children together.
Try to counter a misbehavior of your spouse with a good gesture and forgive him/her as per the Quranic verse of Surah Fussilat Ayah 34-35, where Allah says, “The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel [the evil] with one which is better; then verily he between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it [such good disposition] except those who are patient and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion [of excellences of dispositions] in this world.” This is a trait of the people of Jannah- to forgive and behave well with a person who misbehaved with you. Ramadan is the perfect time to practice and to commit to improve the behavioral pitfalls that we have. Whenever there is a fight, try to solve it as soon as possible. Don’t go to sleep without solving the issue. Don’t let your ego win.
Be compassionate to your spouse’s parents. This is applicable for both sides. The more compassionate you are to your spouse’s parents, the better your relation becomes. Showing mercy is counted as good deeds. Try to do it as much as possible. Start from this Ramadan and continue onwards inshaAllah. Think of giving gifts to them as well as your spouse, as the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Give each other gifts and you will love each other.” [al-Adab al-Mufrad 594]
Become each other’s companion in developing a good trait in your character. Make the resolve to develop yourself and support your spouse too in developing a new quality beneficial for you both in this life and the hereafter. Whether this quality be giving up a bad habit (lying, backbiting, wasting time on gadgets, etc.) or picking up a good one (memorizing and practicing duas for activities we take part in throughout the day such as sleeping, entering or leaving the washroom, looking at the mirror, wearing clothes, etc. or other good deeds such as being more kind towards relatives, employees). Correct each other throughout Ramadan every time s/he slips, and by the end of the month, you both will have enough practice through those 29/30 days to have that trait ingrained in your character and emerge as better human beings. You will also be on a path to a tranquil life together. Take up just one such resolve every Ramadan, and imagine what a beautiful character you will stand with in front of our Rabb when you finally meet Him! Having your flaws shedded one by one each year throughout your lives. And trust me, this joint journey of self-improvement will strengthen your love, respect and commitment towards each other beyond words!
Try to be a good listener when your counterpart wants to share with you what he or she did while being away from you. This leaves a feeling of constant compan- ionship. Be it a very lame joke from your husband or a not so tasty food prepared by your wife. Appreciate each of the moments.
While correcting mistakes, choose a soft tone and also a time when you are in a better mood. Try not to insult and not to compare with anyone in a bid to fix anything in his/her character. Think of the positive things you like about him/ her before approaching them to discuss their mistake; this will make you more empathetic and the tone of advice more sincere.
Try to do acts of worship together to strengthen your relationship on the spiritual front. This can include activities such as listening to your favorite surah, tafseer or a beneficial Islamic lecture together.
Try to be eager to comply with your spouse’s interest in physical relationship. Help each other to preserve the chastity even if you do not like it at times. Work on how to nurture the relationship and keep working at it to renew it time to time.

May Allah give us the ability to fulfill our duties towards our family, society and community. May this Ramadan be our turning point in improving ourselves. And May Allah give us the ability to excel in all of our noble efforts, small or big. Ameen.