Are You A Perfectionist?
- Do you have trouble meeting your own standards?
- Do you often feel frustrated, depressed or angry while trying to meet your standards?
- Have you been told that your standards are too high?
- Do your standards always get in the way? For example, do they make it difficult for you to meet deadlines, finish a task, trust others or do anything spontaneously?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions then you may have a problem of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high-performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations. Professor Gordon Flett of York University defined perfectionism as “the need to be or appear perfect.”
Perfectionists vary in their behavior. Some try to conceal their imperfec- tions; others attempt to project an image of perfectionism. But all of them in common have high stan- dards for themselves and others. This is why they find it hard to work with people around them as they search for perfection in them too. This is also why they, very commonly, are phobic and even find it difficult to make a romantic relationship.
Perfectionists strain compulsively and unceasingly towards unobtainable goals. They measure their self-worth by productivity and accomplishment. They tend to be harsh critics of themselves when they fail to meet their standards.
Perfectionism affects how people think, behave and feel. The following scenarios will be quite familiar to you if you are a perfectionist.
How A Perfectionist Feels:
Perfectionism can make you feel angry, depressed and frustrated, especially when you constantly criticize yourself for not doing a job well enough even after giving much effort and time.
How A Perfectionist Thinks:
- Black and white thinking (Anything less than perfection is a failure. If I need help from others then I am weak)
- Catastrophic thinking (If I make a mistake in front of my co-workers, I won’t be able to survive the humiliation. I can’t handle having someone upset with me)
- Probability overestimation (Although I spent all night preparing my presentation, I know that I won’t do well. My boss will think that I am lazy if I take a couple of sick days)
- “Should” statements (I should never make mistakes. I should never come across as nervous or anxious. I should always be able to predict problems before they occur)
How A Perfectionist Behaves:
- Chronic procrastination, difficulty in finishing tasks, giving up easily
- Being over-cautious and thorough in tasks (spending 3 hours on a task that should take only 20 minutes to do)
- Excessive checking (Spending 30 minutes to check an email you wrote to your boss)
- Constantly trying to improve things by redoing them
- Making elaborate ‘to-do’ lists (When to get up, brush, take breakfast etc)
- Agonizing over small details (What dress to buy, what movie to rent)
- Avoiding trying new things and risking mistakes
So why and how does a person become a perfectionist? It seems to be linked to early age experiences. From our childhood, the formal education we receive makes us phobic about making mistakes. It tells us that the more mistakes we make the less successful and dumb we literally are. This mindset is the core reason why so many children grow up to have perfectionism. They are just phobic of failing everywhere and at everything. Parents also play a crucial role and in our country where a student is judged not with creativity and knowledge but with the number of A’s he has obtained, some degree of perfectionism becomes inevitable.
Now let’s take a look into the major risk of having this personality trait and its association with other psychiatric conditions.
Sadly, it is increasingly being seen as a risk factor for suicide. The tendency of these people to have excessively high expectations of self and to be self-critical, combined with their tendency to show a “perfect face” to the world, increases their risk of suicide ideation. Studies concluded that people in professions that have a strong emphasis on perfectionism like doctors, lawyers, and architects are at higher risk.
Perfectionists also suffer from anxiety disorders and low self-esteem. It is considered to be a risk factor for developing many psychiatric disorders namely obsessive-compulsive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, eating disorders, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, substance abuse, and clinical depression. It also causes physical problems like chronic stress and heart diseases. Studies have found a higher mortality rate among patients with perfectionism than those without perfectionism.
But are all kinds of perfectionism bad? No, rather a little bit of perfectionist striving is a positive thing to have. It can drive a person to be a high achiever in life. It provides the motivation to persevere in the face of discouragement and obstacles. But the perfectionist concern is what creates the problem. As long as we are happy to work hard for success and happiness and avoid being self-critical, this trait is extremely beneficial.
Exceptionally talented people who excel in their field sometimes show signs of perfectionism. High-achieving athletes, scientists, and artists often show signs of perfectionism. Famous figures have publicly admitted that they have perfectionist tendencies For example, some contend that Michelangelo’s perfectionism may have motivated him to complete his masterpieces. Martha Stewart, a famous American businesswoman and author once described herself as a “maniacal perfectionist”.
So we see that having high standards for ourselves is a positive thing to possess. While a certain amount of perfectionism is adaptive and necessary, when it becomes an obsession, it can lead to a vicious cycle. Parents and teachers need to be careful with early signs and should never reinforce these maladaptive thinking and behaviors in their children. When our perfectionism becomes a major problem we should never hesitate to seek help from a psychiatrist and seeking help would never mean that we are weak. We all need help to survive, don’t we? We have to realize that there is nothing called perfection in this world. If we were to become perfect then Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala would have replaced us with a nation who would make mistakes and repent.
And Allah knows Best.
