Alhamdulillah, as Muslims we learn about the relationship between siblings from several accounts within the Qur’an itself. Relationships that have been set as the pinnacle of favors are unto siblings- Musa’s (alaihis salam) favor unto Harun (alaihis salam) by requesting Allah to make him a prophet as well in order to assist him in his mission. And it is the relationships between siblings that enumerate the height of negativity due to hasad (jealousy)- the story of the first murder ever committed, the story of Habil and Qabil, the sons of Adam (alaihis salam).
Then there are several ahadith that propound the importance of brotherhood, maintaining ties of kinship and the severity of severing ties with one’s kith and kin.
However, oftentimes we flip through books of tafseer and hadeeth but we do not stop and ponder about how these teachings are indeed speaking out to us and are perhaps pathways to rectify our relationship with our siblings. In this time and age when communication is prevalent mainly through screens of laptops, smart-phones and other “smart” devices, we are unaware of the alarming rate by which bonds between one individual and the other are weakening. And for some reason this phenomenon is more noticeable between siblings, regardless of gender and the age difference between them.
If any of us feels otherwise, we must measure the amount of conversation that actually happens between us and our siblings on any given day and weigh the worth of these conversations in nurturing our bond with them. Do the words we speak reassure our siblings of our love for them? Love cannot be quantified, true, but how much do we really love them? Do we know if they had woken up for fajr this morning and are they being regular with their salah?
What if someone asked us what our sibling’s favorite food is or what they like to do most in their spare time? What if someone asked them the same questions? Are they really happy with their spouses? Taking care of infants can really be hard on one’s schedule of rest and sleep, so do we know how our siblings are faring with parenthood?
Subliminally many of us are perhaps answering these questions with- “Well I am at work for most part of the day so…”, “But my siblings live on the other side of the planet hence…”, “Hmm, my sibling is far away from deen and we don’t really get along…”
Well, of course all siblings are different as no two individuals are the same. However, given the issues that we have…wait, let’s rephrase that….. given the tests that are put in front of us by Allah, do we put enough thought and effort to succeed in these tests? Do we ever close our eyes and picture ourselves in eternal Jannah and imagine ourselves running races with our siblings? Or are our siblings so insignificant in our sight that we don’t even imagine of them in Jannah with us?
Excuses aside and considering that Ramadan, our gauntlet that makes us stronger for the rest of the year, is upon us, we must put our siblings on our priority list. Without a doubt, there is iblees whispering unto us right now telling us “Your siblings are going to think you’ve gone bonkers. This isn’t you! Are you going to be this cheesy? Don’t embarrass yourself!”
We have got to fight this and do what has perhaps been due for a long, long time- get to know our siblings and draw closer to them. Just as tasks are simpler if we put them in groups and allocate time for their completion, we can similarly tabulate or list aspects of our sibling’s life to make a difference. Get to know about their spouses and children, their jobs and their daily schedule, their physical and mental well-being, what they do to de-stress themselves, where they like to eat out and with whom and perhaps what they watch on the telly and on the tube.
Simple questions they may be, but the answers to these questions can make for amazing gift ideas and surprises. Perhaps a new jilbaab/thawb for their spouse or the “5 pillars game” for the entire family. Something as simple as a “productive muslim taskinator” to keep track of their tasks at work, home and what they learnt of deen. A surprise delivery of “organic tea” from Khaas or “talbina” from Shorobor, invites to a program where our favorite shuyookh are orating, links to our favorite Islamic lectures and motivational speeches or even better, a CD written with those lectures for their lengthy commute in their car. (Funny how no one writes CDs anymore or perhaps I’m still old school!)
The above list should not correspond to the reader that only materialistic things can strengthen bonds. The blessings that Allah bestows in conversations that are in His remembrance are far superior than any treasure trove man can generously dispense upon another. And as this works as da’wah as well, we could engage in conversations with our siblings where we refer to the Qur’an and Sunnah and remind each other how these two sources are our true guidance to remain steadfast on the Siratul Mustaqeem.
The above and many other things are only a handful of ways in which we can make light-years of leaps towards improving our relationship with our siblings. It is up to each one of us to tailor our action plans according to our siblings and their personalities and how our relationship with them is at present.
